he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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