I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
