i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
