So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
