so explain again why im purple
no
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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