My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
