wakey wakey hands off snakey
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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