Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
