you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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