Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
