it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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