i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
