Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
