i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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