Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm too high and old for this...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
