i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
