Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
