Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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