drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
