He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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