Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Boobs are out for the taking
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
