i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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