I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
