the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I need moral support for this bender
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
