Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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