Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
