i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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