Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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