these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
