How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Randomize
