There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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