hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
