My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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