I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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