She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
