My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
