Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
