we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
