i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
