Your tits are I can't wait for
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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