My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
