She's the barista slut.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
