If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
