he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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