Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
