OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
