Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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