How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
