Duck Duck Cougar?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
