I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Sober January is a disaster.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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