I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Yo dont text me then not text me
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
