So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
