and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
