I bet he comes in French.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
