This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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