His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Dear god my vagina.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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