he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
