Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
you made out with another girl for some wings
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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