After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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