At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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