Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
