is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
