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oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I stole a fireplace last night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
