i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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