she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
